What is this..Celebrity Fight Club or what?

What’s sooo funny about watching DR LAURA and Craig Smith craigsmith'sblog trade insults is how dainty they are with each other. C’mon you two…let’s play some gutter ball! Craig, say something about her boy Deryk..that’ll get her going! Laura, find some dirt on Craig..or just make it up! You can afford it..

Dr. Laura seems rather perturbed that people would criticize her boss Wendy all the time. She claims “disdain” for bloggers who exercise free, but "nasty", speech. Geez, that’s how she makes her living! She goes on to defend herself, always defending herself….looks like Smith touched a nerve.

Now..here's a real woman..Jane Watkins! She belongs to the same SB Yacht Club as Dr. Laura and her style has Laura crying in fits of jealousy.. here's the SBYC forum Dr. Laura complains about:

SantaBarbaraSailingAnarchy.it's a scream!

The puzzle for Dr. Laura is..she can’t get anyone fired for carping about her and the News-Press..so she uses her column to defend her pathetic life behind Wendy's wall of cash!

The real problem is Santa Barbara is being hijacked by parasites like the Doc and Wendy….ladies, no matter how hard you try, you’ll never fit in! NEVER!

and Belly Scratchers...

When I watch the evening news, I'm lookin' at the girls. The news is usually the same..stabbings and accidents. The news, as a matter of fact, is for insane people..I watch, so I am one. Who's my FAVE newsgirl? Who would I like to have do a private belly dance for me?

Here's some choices:

Evelyn? CUTE!

Paula?

Amy? Yowsa!!

Leanna? A ballerina? YEAH!

Stacy! wow!

And me!!

So here it is: consider this my audition! I’ll email her a copy!

Now, why was there no mention in this week’s shill piece about all the lies her co-workers are telling the NLRB judge? Is she part of the NP Liar’s Club?? Yes, of course she is. She includes another masturbatory letter from a “fan” who calls her “refreshing”! It would take a lotta douches to freshen you up, Doc ALOT!!meanwhile.. HAPPY SAILING on all your boats, dear….

To get into Oprah’s party for Obama…

I don’t know..hell, I drive a pick-up truck and am always in a sweatshirt and shorts! That’s it..that’s my wardrobe. I may be too black, actually, having toured as a roadie one summer years ago with the O’Jays and Commodores. Would Oprah appreciate the pains a white guy went thru to try to fit in with stadium full of black folks?? That was one of the best summers of my life!

“Get on board..everybody, join in, join the Love Train..Love Train…” maybe that should be Obama’s campaign song!

Anyway, my old pal Ellen, seen here posing in Summerland a few years back, might be able to get me a ticket. I got some questions for Oppie if I get in!

• Oprah, are you black?

• You have made a fortune preying on neurotic white women. How are you different from Dr. Laura?

• Is Obama your brother?

• I know the O’Jays..do you??

• How do you like Montecito Village?

• Do you think Ty Warner is gay?

• Do you think Wendy is a good billionaire or a bad billionaire

• Can you spot me a coupla million so I can buy a ranch in Montana? I gotta get away for a spell..

According to an article in the Independent…I counted 4, plus 3 city council members, and a few “teachers” thrown in for good measure! No wonder they can’t understand the difference between art and graffiti: GRAFFITI: a drawing or inscription made on a street or other surface usu. to be seen by the public.

It’s not the blue line, it’s not the global warming, it’s not that you shouldn’t have art expressing your concerns.. you should..that’s what art does. IT’S THE FACT THAT THIS liteblueline IS GRAFFITI..painted on the street. It doesnt’ matter how many PhDs you can fit into a room, all bobbing their heads about their self-importance. What matters is this is GRAFFITI!! GEEEEEZ!!

After some vandals tagged the culvert in front of Kim's Market, I called the Carp Graffiti hotline. A few days later this squad of superkids was going to work to remove it. I think you kids are GREAT!

Thank-you!!

Now, what kind of a message does it send when city councils participate in graffiti such as the liteblueline project in Santa Barbara? Painting lines and symbols on the streets for other than SAFETY reasons is VANDALISM!

Maybe the Santa Barbara City Council members Blum, Schneider, and Barnwell and their Ph’D cronies could get off their fat asses and help remove some of the graffiti around town, then maybe, with a little physical work, they would understand!

************

a few hours after writing this , I heard the good news!

Bruce Caron Finally Sees the Light GreenLogic..

and pulls the street painting project!

After appeals, lawsuits, me making fun of everyone and the NewsPress free-balling on the wave of resentment over the project, the light blue lines will not be painted on the streets of SB. Apparently, the street theatre got to be too much for the "civil discourse" folks..(snobs) CIVIL FUCKING DISCOURSE?! These wannabe environmentalists need to get a sense of humor!

NEXT TIME..just do an art project that doesn't violate city codes! simple!

Exclusive Interview….with a Dr. Laura fan..

Sonny: Hi Bobbi Jo!

BJ: Hey Sonny

Sonny: So, did you hear? Dr. Laura is on a health kick now..running up and down Shoreline park and doing yoga!

BJ: What’s Yoga?

Sonny: it’s a form of exercise that..well..that..oh nevermind…

BJ: I like Pepsi and corn dogs!

Sonny: Good..me too..hey..it looks like you’re gonna have a baby. Congrats!

BJ: FUK YOU, SONNY! This baby’s a devil. He belongs to my daddy! But I ain’t gonna have an abortion cuz that’s a sin against GOD!

Sonny: Dr. L would be proud…

BJ: I love her-she makes me do the right thing after berating me for being such a lowlife! Before I got pregnant, me and Billie Sue was gonna take a big knife and cut Elma Lou’s baby out of her stomach—then I ‘d be a mom!

Sonny: What happened? What made you decide against that?

BJ: Daddy was using the knife on Momma…

Sonny: Oh?! Well, ok..Ahh..good luck with motherhood and everything…

BJ: FUK YOU, SONNY!

Here’s what I’ll let you do…

You, Dr. Laura and Yolanda can take my subpoena in your hands and rub it..up and down..until it bursts LEGALEZE all over your faces! YUM!

Next, I’ll take my subpoena and shove it up your whale’s blowhole..

”THAR SHE BLOWS” ..you’ll scream!

Finally, I will film our little privity and present it, sub judice, for everyone to see.. and at last, I will be star!

a UNION SHOP and I, Sonny, am the rep and negotiator…

latest!

These are my demands:

• Dr. LAURA can KISS MY ASS!

• Wendy..find another hairstylist!

• All News-Press computers will be tuned to Sonny once a day..

• Nipper..your new job will be to get me coffee

• Travis..in addition to editor, you will be required to wash my car once a week

• Scotty…you can help Travis

• That pip pip fellow will be required to see a shrink!

• Dr. LAURA can KISS MY ASS!

• The NewsPress will be required to run a picture of Melissa Evans once a day..damn, she’s cute!
• DR Laura, the Queen of Quack, can KISS MY ASS!
• The New-Press will have to start a new fund..for endangered journalists!

That’s all for now..until our next meeting

TA's latest column (WED 8/15) has him fretting about ex- NP reporters who were showing signs affection for each other " a reporter was seen hugging a former NP employee who was fired for disloyalty" says Trav.. Damn emotions! Travis thinks this must mean they can't give honest testimony at the hearings. He goes on to complain about an AP reporter who actually laughed in the court room..according to Travis this is a sign of disrespect to the judge and the court...this from a guy who lied to the judge at the NLRB hearings last time around... now that's

dis R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Speaking of "clowns", howz about Wendy's friend and a guy who likes under-aged girls, Rob Lowe. Has he registered as a sex offender, I wonder?

His important legacy as an actor:

Sex tape controversy

really Dr. Ignorant....

HA! First, he’s telling off the public defender and judge, now he’s calling Dr. Laura ignorant. You gotta like this guy…

Gordon rightfully claims the SantaBarbaraDaily Sound photos taken in the gang killing aftermath are his, and despite being issued a subpoena, initially refused to turn them over to the courts. Unless the photos showed the stabbing, why does the public defender need them? And why doesn’t she pay a price for them??

Whatever Happened to Swift Justice?

there is nothing more pathetic than self-important lawyers and judges clogging up the judicial system with delay tactics like subpoenas handed out like parking tickets, long winded opening statements, etc. Have they no concept of time..or time wasted?

Eventually, Gordon handed the photos over after some legal brow beating from Santa Barbara legal beagals. But he made his point and ruffled some feathers along the way.. good old feet- to- the- street journalism that the staid lawyers/judges and, of course, Dr. IGNORANT just don’t get!

Diggin' Holes....

the prevailing logic from bosom buddies Nick, Bruce and Helene, Wendy and Travis is: if it is anti-city council, it must be from the News-Press; if it is anti News-Press, it must be coming from the city council..

and..if you are against the blue lines, you must be an SUV driver!

whatever happened to real world perspective??

Just when I thought things couldn't get any weirder at De La Guerra Plaza, I see that yet another vast conspiracy theory has been burned into the City Hall lawn! The lightblueline folks claim all the uproar over the project has been orchestrated by the....NEWSPRESS!! Nick Welsh of the Independent, Helene Schneider and Bruce Caron are investigating the new cabal.

Not long ago, Travis and Wendy were accusing everyone in town of conspiring to destroy the NewsPress. In fact, the NewsPress leaders were doing it on their own! Now, Helene has adopted the paranoid mindset that Wendy and Travis exhibited last year. In turn Wendy and Travis have learned how to re-socialize the paper to the community and, in the process, have picked up a little humility.

Of course, this does not let the NP off hook for labor violations. There is no excuse for the way they treated employees and I hope justice will be served.

Now, I can understand Bruce and Nick suckling up to Helene's ample bosom. But, guys, show a little dignity, would ya! She's digging herself a hole, and you guys are providing the shovels..

Abandon this project..it is GrAFFiTI!!

After which, you can lead the local talk on global warming instead of simply telling us what Al Gore thinks....

Clear Blue Form... in addition to black hair...

I would like to see every woman (men optional) paint their nipples "blue" (see illustration)

I'm trying to create the new woman-I've had it with old hags like Dr. Laura and Wendy, invisible phantoms like Sara DLG, and nutjobs like Marty Blum and Helene Schneider. Now, I'm not the one with the problem, everyone else is problematic. I'm trying to SOLVE the problem by creating the perfect girl..she will rule with impunity and have the needed grace to pull off my world vision..step up and get them paint brushes swirlin" ....ooooowwwww...

..at Daily Sound Editor and Deryk look-a-like- Jeramy Gordon!

Wow…talk about displaced anger! In a veiled attempt to scream at her son Deryk for his violent (rape and murder) and racist web bloggings while in the military, Dr. Laura instead uses the “for the sake of the children” excuse and screams at Daily Sound editor Jeramy Gordon for taking and holding photos of the gang killing incident awhile back. The photos belong to the Daily Sound, pure and simple. They weren’t taken during the knife attack. The city DA is full of baloney.

Now, Dr. Laura is confused. Jeramy and Deryk look similar, are of similar age and that triggered an ego-defense mechanism called “displacement”.

I'm not Deryk, my name is Jeramy...

She directed her anger toward a safer target (Jeramy) because she’s afraid to tell her son off. Look at the use of the word "rape". This is the dead giveaway that she was really thinking of Deryk (and his blogsite) when she went ballistic on Jeramy!!

Another mental case solved!

“take the ribbon from your hair”….

Most of the problems in the world have been caused by blonde women, so I will set out to prove my new theory: "Global Blonding"..too much blondeness is causing the sun to heat up!! (and me, too) This is the ROOT cause of melting ice caps, but Al Gore is too dumb to see it!

To set the bias straight, I have been with more blonde girls than red heads, black heads or brunette heads..either the blondies are easier or they can't see as well as the others! But it seems every ditch I've found myself in has been mapped out by a blond chick...but, hey, I LIKE ditches!

Anyway, I'm out to save the world and I need YOUR help..I want every girl out there to DYE HER HAIR BLACK, see how others react to you, and report back to me. thanks for your help...

Dear Dr. Laura..I love you!

Sincerely, Dr. Laura

OK I’m on the case! After reading a letter to Dr. Laura in her Sunday column, I couldn’t imagine any real person outside Dr. Laura’s marketing circle writing it. It was full of the same “I’m now a stay-at –home-mom thanks to you, Dr. Laura” with the usual glorification of Ms. Laura. The writer’s name is Jennifer Miners so I googled it and came up with this website for a Jennifer MINER without the”s”.

suite:jenniferblueeyes

What I found interesting is Jennifer has a degree in psychology from Columbia University..Dr. Laura has a Ph.D. from Columbia in Physiology (from Greek: φυσις, physis, “nature, origin”; and λόγος, logos, "knowledge" is the study of the mechanical, physical, and biochemical functions of living organisms.)

They both have products at suite101. Jennifer Miner has written about restaurants in the Santa Barbara area. Maybe Dr. Laura writes her own letters and gets her friends to sign them!!

Now, is this the same Jennifer who wrote Dr. laura a letter or just part of the marketing machine that tries to keep Dr. Laura a super hero to white trash in the bible belt??

I expect some answers from you…

.... beta males and union dogs

As the days and tears (of laughter) go by and by, I am stuck with forever reading about two alpha females..Wendy McCaw and SB Mayor Blum and their dumb moves. They have given us plenty of entertainment with their inability to run their respective shows, but they are damaging Santa Barbara. So, let's clean house and CLEAN UP De La Guerra Plaza..that means removing Wendy, Marty, Helene, Barnwell..the Loony 4..Wendy will face the judge in August for her crimes against the working class; three seats on the city council are up for grabs and it would be a good time to dump Helene and Barnwell..who, along with Marty Blum, are the main cheerleaders for the lightblueline project fiasco.

I've watched Brian Barnwell over the years and am convinced he's a moron (and I should know).. Helene Schneider..I reserved judgement on her until recently..she has no obvious skills! She just waddles around SB like a demented penguin..always with a pasted on smile..who are you, Helene?? Queen of the Silver Dollar? Mayor Blum..morphed into Travis' mom.."I hate my mommy!" says Trav.. Wendy..Marty's Medusa

get 'em all out before we all turn to stone!

to be so useless, and all...

Bruce Caron, Brian Barnwell, Helene Schneider, Heal the Ocean..etc

blue lines come to Carp!!

Environmentalism attracts its share of extremists. Folks who are running around trying to save the world have clearly neurotic tendencies. And they have similar goals..scare some money out of a gullible flock. Televangelicals do it all the time..if you sin too much, you'll go to hell....send money and you'll be saved. Heal the Ocean does it..overstate water pollution, do fear-based and redundant water testing, "heal" the ocean and don't forget..send them money..LightBlueLine does it...watch an Al Gore film about the environment and get the idea to paint blue lines on city streets to help "educate" us and stop global warming..and don't forget to donate money!!

Sounds preposterous, right? Well, it could be the wave of the future! Berkeley, the lovely city in San Francisco with a rich progressive history, is in danger of becoming a parody. The present city council passed Berkeley Measure G..which wants everyone to ride bikes and go solar..it's an over-the-top measure that is not based in reality..but a lot of goofy people voted for it. the Ed Begley, Jr. Hollywood environmentalists. The feeling is if they get folks to feel guilty about living their lives, they will get them to change their habits to conform with the group. It's basically environmental terrorism!

We really don't need all these little groups running around,spending our money, and telling us how to live our lives. Everyone is doing their part to care for mother earth, those who don't will be scrutinized. Those who join social clubs under the guise of environmental stewardship, will also be scrutinized...