and gets some things off her chest!

"casually, i was browsing peoples profiles, and your blog really caught my attention. as a conservative, i hate to look past democratic views to quickly without knowing the details of the matter. sadly. i agree with you, in saying it looks bad because senator clinton actually might just have the democratic primary. further more, i dont know who will dominate us republicans, but its just a scare enough to even think of the woman as president. Marxism. wow. well. i didn't know she was a marxist. which is even more scarier. i think its out of the world, i come from a middle class white family, i pay my taxes, my parents pay taxes, only to go to poor families who have no education, and live off of welfare. not that i don't believe in government support... if i were ever in a situation of needed help, i hope it will be there. but just because some body [white black asian or yellow] gets pregnant, and the dad runs away. now shes left with a kid, and no education to get a good job. The problem is the generation doesn't learn. i truely think thats the "marxist approach." to benefit society. HOWEVER. the world isn't cookie cutter, and as much as we would like to break the cyle of poverty. It won't ever happen. i just hope. that if a democrat gets elected this term, [hope to God not Senator Clinton].. they won't be tooo far to the left, and can actually change the things that the country has issues on. as for the war. thats a totally different subject on its on. and with a brother and boyfriend in afgahistan, it scares the hell out of me, that a selfish woman like Clinton, who worries more about politics, might be there commander in chief. we're all ready to see our troops home, but we need to finish and WIN this war before we come home. and if that means sending more troops to beat Alqida, hey. atleast it's a plan. everytime a democrat gets asked whats THERE plan.. "we need to send them home!" .... okay.. THEN WHAT? ..."well, we just need to worry about bringing the troops home." who gives a shit about the nations security? well . i've done going on and on. Great blog. and keep it up! hopefully i'll see more and more fellow citizens agreeing hiliary clinton is EVIL!"

Megan...I totally agree with you!!

Translated by Sonny!

I am my kid's mom
- Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Translation: My boy is a sociopath!

Children are our second chance to have a great parent-child relationship.
- Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Translation: Deryk was a mistake

And since when do business goals (profit) come before values, ethics, and decency?
- Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Translation: Since I started working for the NewsPress!

Language is our way of communicating what we want and who we are. By using bad language, we diminish the divine spark within us that defines our humanity.
- Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Translation: I support censorship

Possessions are a gift from God. They are not inherently evil, nor are possessions irrelevant to God -- if they were, then why the commandment, "Thou shalt not steal?"
- Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Translation: Work is for suckers!

Now, go do the right thing!
- Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Translation: go do the rightwingthing

Life does not have meaning through mere existence or acquisition or fun. The meaning of life is inherent in the connections we make to others through honor and obligation.
- Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Translation: My life has no meaning

Self-esteem must be earned! When you dare to dream, dare to follow that dream, dare to suffer through the pain, sacrifice, self-doubts, and friction from the world, you will genuinely impress yourself.
- Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Translation: I masturbate

In public school systems across the country, they're indoctrinating kids to be 'sexual' under the guise of protecting them, when you know that's not true. I think it is indoctrination for left-wing agendas.
- Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Translation: I'm uncomfortable with sex education

I'm tired of the 'can't win against evil' way. I'm sorry, you cannot. They'll run you over. So that is my one big passion. 'Ten Stupid Things People Do to Let Evil Win' - that will be my next passion book. I am angry.
- Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Translation: Wendy McCaw is my evil twin

Now go take on the day!
- Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Translation: here's some simple advice for you losers

In an odd write-up about distorted reality, NewsPress owner Wendy McCaw accuses journalist and Summerland resident Lou Cannon of being a child porn sympathizer. She also chastises, in Cap't Queeg-like fashion, her ex-employees of being "unreliable".

She says she is about to crack a child porn ring in Santa Barbara that started on her computer!! Wendy seems to like to write about porn issues during holidays..the last one was on Mother's Day, this one on Memorial Day; what a curious quirk! I'm waiting for the porn bust but all I hear is a promise of a big story..not an actual, real story.

Roberts and Cannon

and... not a word about Mock- Doc Laura's whereabouts or a comment about Laura's son's alleged website which is full of lurid, violent fantasies!

What an unusual girl our Wendy is!

dinner, movie and then??

Bill O’Reilly had an interesting column in Saturday’s paper..he asked who would you rather have dinner with..Jane Fonda or Tony Blair…well, Jane wins! You see, the Fonda women were blessed with brains and beauty that Blair just does not have. The only reason I’ve watched “Lake Placid” fifteen times is Bridget Fonda.

O’Reilly can’t seem to get over Jane’s actions during the Vietnam fiasco..but Jane was right and Vietnam wrecked a lot of lives. Bill always calls people, especially women, “America haters” if they question or protest the two wars in question..Vietnam or the Iraq invasion. You see, Billo is afraid of women! He paid one gal off not to go public with her story of Bill’s sexual harassment.

Now, my question is: Who would you rather go to dinner with…Jane Fonda or Dr. Laura? Well, this time Jane loses. I’d rather go to dindin with Dr. Laura..I've GOT SOOO MANY QUESTIONS!

**********

Impeach Bush and Cheney!!

& make sure the next leaders understand the cost and Art of War!

..are you a Great Amorican...

On a plane to Hawaii for a Pearl Harbor edition of Hannity and Colmes, Sean Hannity startled passengers by reciting bible passages and muttering, "God is Great" and "I'm a great American"...when the plane landed he was escorted to a detention center and questioned.

He was asked about a rumored affair with rightwingthing Newt Gingrich. Hannity said as Newt ages, his breasts are becoming rather large and "irresistible" and that he was merely attracted. The attraction has not affected his Christian marriage with his wife.

Asked about ties with Australian terrorist Muhammed Joaquin "Rupie" Murdoch, Hannity squinted his beady little rat eyes, scrunched his monkey face and exclaimed..."I want my daddy!"

"I'll be the Roundabout"

"and go round and round and round, in the circle game"

************

The City of SB is intent on sticking roundabouts in the historic neighborhoods to the chagrin of the folks who live there. All appeals have been denied and the NewsPress is backing the folks who appealed. Well, I don't like roundabouts either, but with the NewsPress backing you, you are bound to lose, trip, stumble and fall!

Instead of letting Travis shout inane accusations at the city for you from his editorial perch, you should rethink your communication efforts and negotiate a better traffic plan!

...and you folks who continue to advertise in the NewsPress ought to be ashamed..ASHAMED I SAY..of yourselves!!

BAAAAD DAWG!!

I hate this silly parade..annoying Paris Hilton type neurotic neo-Santa Barbarans parade their annoying neurotic little yapping pocket dogs and I'm supposed to be amused??

Well, I'm not. Why..because I'm a cat person. Cats don't need this nonsense..they are way too cool and independent. They know the only reason pets stay with owners is for easy FOOD! It's not for love or companionship. If you stopped feeding your dog, he'd drop you like a wad of dog doo doo. and of course, dog owners pick up their dog's doo doo. It's sick! Why not send your dog overseas to help feed the hungry and poor..that's my idea..HOT DOOOG..smothered in onions!

I like wild dogs who run free and know how to hunt and kill..now if Santa Barbara had a "WOLVES RUN WILD" Festival...I'd be there!!

oh what a tangled web we weave....

Someone sent me a link to Deryk Schlessinger’s alleged website about the war…it’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever read or seen. I actually feel sorry for the guy. However, I can't verify it is his doing!

Since the matter is still under investigation by the Army, I will provide no links here. Don’t send me any..I’ll just delete them.

stay tuned....

fear spreads in Matilija Creek and Ventura River..

Invasive plant hangs out on the banks of the Ventura River...

Poor Mary Meyer of the Fish and Game Dept..her hatred of her nemesis arundo has pushed her off the deep end. let's poison the watershed! "I MUST KILL BAMBOO!' she mutters like a zombie from the "native-only" cult. So what else is new? These folks have been following a religion called "bionativism" which is based more on fear than science. Actually, I've been studying this pseudo-science whereby folks try to rid the countryside of plants they don't like. I am convinced that instead of a bonafide science, it is in reality a new mental disorder..I will call it Idle Minds Disorder or IMD.... IDLE means I...Don't...Like...Evolution!

If control of arundo is important to them, there should be a scheduled creek and river maintenance program instead of mass poisoning and hysteria. Use conservation corps, goats, youth in jail, etc, a few or more times a year to keep the river beds clear.

The wild should be left as is, with very little interference by man. That means groups like Surfrider and other environmentalist alarmists should BUTT OUT if they can't offer common sense solutions.

Musica to my Ears

Arundo donax, is commonly known as Giant Reed or Spanish Cane. Originating on the Indian subcontinent, its native range extends from the marshes of Eastern Europe to Indo-China and it is now found in most temperate and tropical climates throughout the world. It has traditionally been selected as the plant of choice for manufacturing mouthpiece reeds for woodwind musical instruments like oboes, clarinets, and saxophones.

Extraordinary annual growth and high cellulose content make Arundo an ideal crop for converting solar energy to bio-fuels or industrial fiber.

for her little devil....

Dr. Laura is taking time off her NewsPress gig to try to exorcise demons from her son, Deryk. Both she and the Army are trying to connect to God through the mitzvot and in turn sock-it-to the devil and free her boy! It seems Deryk is linked to a weird and evil website that depicts disturbing images of rape, murder, child molestation and other mental mayhem... All Things Wonderful.

Of course, Deryk is innocent until proved otherwise, but it sure doesn't look good..it must be hard being the Doctor's son! She never stops bragging!!

Controversy is nothing new for Santa Barbara gal Laura, but the Salt Lake Tribune must have her head spinning 360 degrees! GODDAMN MORMONS!

building fences....

Ever since Craig Smith mentioned me on his blog, alien bloggers have been crossing my cyber borders ILLEGALLY and posting stupid comments! You people are scary and I demand you either show your cards, or go back where you came from. Go back to Craig's blog, he's smarter than I am..however, I did manage to convince a lawyer not to make an argument:

"People listen to me," she said. "I'm trusted and respected." from the Salt Lake Tribune

"Dr" Laura Schlessinger, in Salt Lake City on Friday to speak to Army families at Fort Douglas, said she was tired of hearing the complaints of lonely and overwhelmed military wives whose husbands are deployed.
"He could come back without arms, legs or eyeballs, and you're bitching?" Schlessinger asked before taking the stage at the base theater to host her daily program on ethics, morals and values. "You're not dodging bullets, so I don't want to hear any whining - that's my message to them."
Schlessinger boasted that she once talked a young woman out of marrying a soldier, noting that "warriors need warrior wives" and that she felt the girl was unprepared.
"It's very unwise to be married young when you're going to be alone - everybody has to grow up first to know who they are," said Schlessinger, whose own first marriage ended in divorce.
Schlessinger, whose soldier son Deryk is in the Army, railed against Congress, saying that her son's tour of duty overseas - she declined to say where he is stationed, noting that would put him at risk "like Prince Harry" - had been extended because of recent arguments over war funding. She said Americans who do not believe that the war in Iraq is directly related to a larger battle against terrorism "need eye drops." And she praised fathers who have the courage to leave their families to fight for the nation.
"When you're in the military, that comes first," Schlessinger said.
"You don't want to not have gone and find out your wife has to wear a burka."
The radio host known simply as Dr. Laura - Schlessinger's doctorate is in physiology but she is a former marriage, family and child counselor in California - declined to say how she felt about women who leave their families to serve at war.
"I'm going to leave that alone," she said.
Schlessinger did acknowledge having "a problem" with families in which both parents are service members, saying it was "unconscionable" to put children in a position where both parents might be deployed.
During the pre-show interview, Schlessinger advocated two years of obligatory military training for all Americans, suggesting that such a program could have limited the bloodshed at Virginia Tech last month when a gunman killed 32 people.
She said she was not advocating a draft, however, saying that only people who want to go to combat should actually go.
Schlessinger's publicist said the controversial talk show host's visit to Fort Douglas is one of several visits she has made to bases across the country, with more planned later this year.
The radio host said she hoped to help military families through their troubles during wartime.

Then..... she whines about the story in the Tribune, blames the reporter and moves to damage control mode...DR LAURA

Pooper Scooper Numero Uno!

I was reading CraigSmith’s Blog ... craigsmith'sblog and enjoying it as usual until I came across his claim that he scooped everyone on the Dr. Laura /Jenny Paradise/Jerry Roberts connection.

I got up early on Mutha’s Day, read Dr. Laura’s drivel in the NewsPress and was the first to comment on it. I scooped ‘em all..Sara D, Editor Birdbrain, the Indie and Mr.Smith.

Editor Birdbrain, who has banned me from emailing his blog, missed the story completely!

That makes me POOPER SCOOPER #1!

I emailed Craig to inform him that I, not he, was the first blogger to “out” Dr. Laura for her attempted smear of Roberts on Mother's Day and I even hinted around for an apology and/or retraction from him. Soon after, I received both. See, real men aren’t afraid to retract or apologize..or send their kids to UCSB!

Walkin’ on the Beach, Lookin’ for a Peach

...

by Rapper Sonny

Thanks to the BLOGS for takin’ up the slack

I don’t think the NewsPress will ever come back

The writers are gone, so they hire the hacks

Those are the facts, I can’t take ‘em back

Walkin’ on the Beach, Lookin’ for a Peach

Dr. Laura……… she crazy and she smelly

She smells like something you get at a deli

Scott is fat, he eats lotsa jelly

Now he comes up with the NewsPress Telly…

Walkin’ on the Beach, Lookin’ for a Peach

Even Lou Cannon, got into the act

Ol’ Lou’s mad, so his pen will attack

And what about Craig, does he like ol’ Laura

He walking with the fauna, he slippin’ on the flora

Walkin’ on the Beach, Lookin’ for a Peach

Wendy’s a fool and Nipper ain’t cool

They swimmin’ at the bottom of the gene cesspool

Money can’t buy happ-i-ness

Molly Maid can’t clean the NewsPressMess…

more BS from the NP...

A NewsPress "clarification"

Our April 22 article on Jerry Roberts... On April 22, 2007, the News-Press published an article reporting that images of child pornography were found on the hard drive of a News-Press computer. We reported that 15,000 images of child and adult pornography were discovered after the departure of a number of editors in June 2006, including Jerry Roberts....... following the publication of the article, we received a letter from Mr. Robert's attorney expressing concern that some people may misconstrue the story and...

Basically, after publishing some comments by Robert's lawyer, it was more of the same: denying any attempt to smear Roberts. Dr. Laura shills for Wendy again by defending the NewsPress. She justifies the smear by saying Roberts edits the Daily Nexus, which has published sex satire! Absurd!

The fact is the child porn was on NEWSPRESS COMPANY computers and the buck stops with management..Dr. Laura, Wendy and Nipper ought to be ashamed of themselves...again!

..until justice comes to town..

In my spare time I have been training crows to attack pro-Wendy Nipperites, the foodie folks who dwell at nippers, ...I think my training program is succeeding! Crows are very smart and will always soar above lowly humans, who have been reduced to shooting the birds with slingshots! Of course, that will do nothing to deter them from their mission..and they have assured me of this...so thank-you..Brother Crow..the multi-talented blackbird!

here's the foodie lament:

Foodie #1 says:

I have a crow problem. Two weeks ago I found a dead baby crow in my outside parking spot at work - it fell out of the tree. The parents were squawking in the tree, and swooped me once. I moved the bird to the side of the spot, and the next day the gardener disposed of it.

Well somehow these crows think I killed it because they have been harassing me non-stop since. Whenever I go to the mailbox, lunch, car, anywhere outside they dive-bomb me! Yesterday on the way to lunch they followed me for over a block and a half swooping down on me. Has anyone ever heard of this? Do they finally give up? I must admit they are getting more aggressive.

*********

is a very funny columnist at the UCSB Daily Nexus: Jenny Paradise.

Her satire about things sexual has her critics fuming. Dr. Laura and now Editor Birdbrain at www.santabarbarablogs.com, in typical neocon fashion, have overreacted and called her “inappropriate”! Yes, the bible belt has come to Santa Barbara! Repent Sinners!!

ANYTHING that makes rightwingthings uncomfortable (except war and killing) is “inappropriate” to them. Why? Because they are ANAL and read dirty mags under the covers!

And the hypocrisy! Dr. Laura works for a newspaper that has company computers laden with porn yet she defends the management… and she did her own little porn spread years ago for radio guy Bill Ballance.. and she preaches morality…Lolita18 has her covered!

And Editor BirdBrain: a guy who shows a pic of Dodger pitcher Brad Penny pitching with his fly open, then criticizes Jenny for a sex satire…

I tried to comment on Bird’s dumb blog, but all I get is: You are not authorized to view this page. The Web server you are attempting to reach has a list of IP addresses that are not allowed to access the Web site, and the IP address of your browsing computer is on this list.

Banned by Editor Bird… what a weenie!

Go Ask Alice..

Yes..there is a dark parallel between Alice in Wonderland and Wendy in Wendyland as readers have pointed out. Caterpillars talk to Alice, whales talk to Wendy. Alice can't get to the garden because her head is too big.. Wendy can't get out of the dark halls of the NewsPress to the De La Guerra garden because she is isolated..it's the story of a twisted girl in a dark wonderland.....

1. "Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place," the Red Queen told Alice.

Posted by Off with their heads — 01 May 2007, 21:47

2. "Go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall"...

Posted by Grace — 02 May 2007, 10:49

3. When the men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go...

Posted by Doormouse — 04 May 2007, 19:20

4. And you just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving slow
Go ask Alice
I think she'll know

When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead....

Posted by Hookah the Cat — 04 May 2007, 19:36

5. "Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute, 'and then,' thought she, 'what might become of me? They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's anyone left alive!' "

Posted by Flamingo mallet — 09 May 2007, 05:27

investigate the NoosePress NOW for:

1. questionable business practices..sending lawyers to intimidate other local businesses

2. child and adult porn on company computers!

3. Wendy and Nipper living in sin..out of wedlock!!!

4. delivering papers to people who have canceled subscriptions

5. lying to prospective employees about circulation numbers

6. libeling and intimidating ex-employees on the front page (Roberts, Orsua)

7. lying to readers with full page ads

8. spying on employees, firing employees on whims; when so many folks have quit or been fired, the focus needs to remain on the "management"

9. incompetent, unprofessional managers

10. union busting

11. desecration of Santa Barbara!

12. delusional editors

13. clueless publishers

14. DR LAURA... MS. Pseudo Santa Barbara! Ms. Pseudo "doctor"..a fraud!! Defends and SUPPORTS NP in child porn smear scandal....

Then, when they are found GUILTY, send the scoundrels to jail and throw away the key!

shocking information...

this little device I found in a healthcare products catalog. It's from the other Dr. Laura- Dr. Laura Berman! I like her style better. At least she's selling something useful!

Does it come with instructions, girls? Does it really work?

I could buy one and send it to the evil Dr. Laura..maybe she'd be nicer!

Can someone demonstrate it before I buy one??

can kiss my ass!

The Lompoc cops got nothing better to do than increase resources to enforce the seatbelt law! I have a license, I already know what the law is.. I wear a seatbelt! I don't need stupid signs on the highway reminding me... I don't need a nanny, Manny!

Why don't the cops concentrate on real crimes instead of harassing taxpaying drivers. Let's see...gangs, grafitti, drunk drivers, drugs...increase resources to combat real problems and leave the rest of us ALONE!

END SIGN POLLUTION!!

...have a nice day

half price off all gossip!

Kevin Costner.. while on his honeymoon in 2004, allegedly started wanking off in front of his masseuse! I can't say I blame him..guys allegedly like to show off in front of pretty women..seriously girls, we got no more class than apes in a zoo! However, the massage gal was not amused and later settled but was fired from the resort since Kevy was buddies with the spa owner...

Wendy McPorn's Pornorama...likes kinky people..Rob Lowe did a sex tape with underage girls; Dr. Laura's beaver shots; illegal, criminal porn found on Wendy's SBNP computers; Travis, the gay Indian.... etc, etc etc....

Ellen and Opra live close to Lotusland by Cold Spring School..Ellen's shack is for sale... $24 mil!

Princess Diana is DEAD!!

Alan Thicke is not dead and lives in Carp...

Travis's Odd Editorial blurbs continue... Editor's Note: a story on the front page of Tuesday's News-Press grossly exaggerated the number of people who took part in last year's "A Day Without an Immigrant" march in Santa Barbara. As we reported on May 3, 2006, authorities estimated about 15,000 people participated -- not "hundreds of thousands" as was reported Tuesday. Such errors of fact provide a distorted picture of reality, and play into the hands of those who seemingly benefit from the error. HUH???

is starting to collapse...

Her paper’s circulation has dropped 10%. She has banned news sites from her newsroom. She has smeared an ex-editor with whom she is locked in a legal dispute. She fires people for not being “loyal” to her. She is waging a war against the local working class (and losing). She gets Dr. Laura to shill for her. She hides. She tries to intimidate local businesses.

And now…she will send yet another lawyer to partake in yet another exercise in futility …..to try to retrieve the NewsPress porn- infested hard drive from the city cops. This is so Wendy can do her own investigation... it's yet another dog and pony show from this wacky woman! A "WENDY, HAVE YOU NO SHAME" protest is planned for Wednesday morning at the Courthouse.