Dr. Laura poses at age 27 for Bill Ballance, who was 58!! Note his reflection on her shiny young skin!!

Dr. Laura, in her latest NewsPress drama-queen column, says Miley Cyrus should be ashamed of the "vulgar" poses in Vanity Fair. She goes on to lecture us on the importance of morals and principles (ie, obsessed with sex as being "dirty"...Freud had a field day with this type of neurosis) and how the free wheeling 1960s have created all these teen sex objects..oh my goodness, this lady is a moron! First of all, the Miley pictures are nothing to be ashamed of. All you self-righteous nitwits like Marie Osmond and Bill O’Reilly jumping on the bash -Miley bandwagon better look in the mirror before I break it over your heads!!

What is pathetic is that Dr Laura perpetuates the stereotype of sexuality as something reserved for anal middle-aged white ladies to judge...it is not! A healthy respect for the body will allow for a little harmless exploration..but when dried-out brain dead SKAGGS like Dr. Laura try to criminalize freedom of expression because of their own sexual issues, we go back to the dark ages..Dr. Laura, you charlatan..take a look at your own pictures and life before you try to criticize someone else because....

to quote my friend Marvin Gaye…"what's going on??"

nothing wrong with being gay, by the way..I'm not..but if you are ..OK!

Just flew back from vacation and boy are my arms tired!! I went to Brazil and rented a little hut by the beach where they showed "Coffin Joe" flicks..he's my new old hero! HAHAHAHAHA…

So what is going on. Well, my little town Carpinteria has been hijacked by Indians! Apparently, they are offended if we use Indians as guides for school spirit. It insults them and depicts them as warriors!. This is the case at Carpinteria High School where an Indian statue has graced the entrance for decades. Now all of a sudden, a Chumash student doesn't like it..he cried to his mommy and the school board and the board majority voted to remove all offending images. To suggest there were no warriors among the Indians is absurd! Would they rather see a slot machine in place the warrior statue? Then I'd be offended! The students staged a protest on Wednesday and were understandably upset. They showed courage and passion, more than I can say for the school board and superintendent Cordiero who seem to be concerned more with political correctness. To my native American friends, the "victim act" is getting a little old... and if you are going to expend energy being offended, what about America's bombing thousands of Iraqi children? Shouldn't that offend you??

And to make matters worse, Dr. Laura Disses Carp High students, calls them wussies!

Perhaps the fake Dr. would volunteer herself as the new mascot?

No, she's too much of a phony to understand the folks in Carpinteria. She is pathetic, posing as a moral authority, covering up her son's disgraceful service in the Army, posing for porn pictures, preaching against behavior she herself is guilty of..here's a suggestion Dr. Laura...take this quarter, go downtown and have a rat gnaw off that thing attached to your neck! (your head)

over and out kee-moe-sabi...

Dumb and Dumber

I was thrilled, THRILLED, to find out that Dr. Laura will be joining Sean Hannity on

" Hannity's America" a very scary show on FOX..financed by ultra rightwing Aussie Rupert Murdoch and full of neoconisms from Hannity's phobias. Now, Dr. Laura and Hannity both operate at half the brain capacity of normal folks, so the two of them working together may approach the sagacity of a flea!

Ok I got two questions for Dr. Laura

…..Sean..ask her if her son Deryk, has been court-martialed yet, or has taken responsibility for the racist, violent blog that contained images of child porn; or ask her if it is still a good idea to get into radio like she got into radio by having an affair with DJ Bill Ballance and posing in pornographic pictures for him?

Arnold moves in on me, I plan to move in on Maria!

Why is everyone following me to Carpinteria..I try hard to be offensive and obnoxious, to push folks away and what do I get? Dr. Laura hanging out at Harley Davidson down the road; Kevin Costner wants to be close and buys a coastal ranch next to Santa Claus Lane; what next, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver a stone's throw away? YES..dammit. Arnold and Maria just bought into Rancho Monte Alegre..I used to live there in the 1990s..it is beautiful, but I'm worried Arnold may fuck it up, like he is doing to California.

Rancho Monte Alegre

From 1991 to 1996, I lived on two Carpinteria ranches; Rancho Monte Alegre and the Young Ranch on Foothill Road. These are examples of old Carpinteria..wild, rustic and beautiful. Rancho Monte Alegre was the hideout of Hollywood actors like Robert Mitchum, John Wayne, Harry Carey Jr. and his wife, Olive (Ollie) Carey! The ranch owners told stories of Ollie hosting cocktails parties in her little pink bungaloo (where I lived). She acted in the old B movie westerns, which I just love. The ranch was sold when the Carp water district annexed and built the 3 million gallon water tank on ranch property. The owners always said that given a reliable water supply, they could sell the ranch ..they envisioned ranchettes on the land..and that's exactly what happened. The CWD denies the new tank had anything to do with development!

The entrance to the ranch was gorgeous, but the new owners destroyed it (par for the course!)

So here is my throw down to you…

Arnold..

while you and Maria are sittin' pretty up at the ranch, planting your native-only garden, you should think long and hard about taking money away from schools, jet-setting around California on the taxpayers dime, showing up at photo-ops with charts that third graders could have done a better job explaining, and how you are failing California. It is long past time to cut funds where it makes sense or raise taxes where it makes sense..tax the things that add least to society ..smokers, drinkers, gamblers, trust fund babies. Tax cell phones, tax alcohol and cigarettes, tax the Indians, tax the big businesses who suck resources from California.

Just do it and stop worrying about what your conservative friends will say.. cut funds from the agriculture commission who is wasting millions removing non native species from California.. and FINE THE REAL POLLUTERS like Greka Oil...and the landowners who provide the lease (Brooks Firestone & COLAB).

It makes no sense to balance a budget on the backs of students or removing programs, like music and art, that will allow them to enrich their lives instead of hanging out at the casino. Geez, man, get a grip.. since we are neighbors now, you are going to hear me howling in the hills within earshot of the ranch....you better help me find a way to save the music and keep the California Parks open!

Welcome to the hood, pal.... and here's some homework for you...

California Progress Report

Wasting Money on Fear...

thank President Clinton for enacting the Invasive Species Council in 1999 enabling madness in government

Florida and California Had the Highest Invasive Species Expenditures

Florida and California each spent considerably more than the other five

states on invasive species activities. In fiscal years 1999 and 2000, Florida

reported spending $94.5 million and $127.6 million, respectively;

Over half ($154.5 million) of the funding for specific categories of invasive species went to terrestrial arthropods (a category of invertebrates—primarily insects—that includes fruit flies and Asian long-horned beetles). The plant category, which includes terrestrial noncrop (such as purple loosestrife), terrestrial crop (crop weeds such as johnsongrass), and aquatic plants, received the second greatest amount of funding—$70.7 million!!!!

the-weeds-of-willapa-bay

....Even so, Fritzi Cohen, owner of the Moby Dick Hotel, does not endorse The Nature Conservancy or Washington State’s rationale or method for eradicating the noxious weed. She also doesn’t think getting rid of the invasive grass will ever help her oyster farm.

NOW GET TO WORK!!

Beach Blanket Bingo with the Stars...

What’s become of my beloved Padaro Lane….monster beach houses and a Hollywood has-been are bringing disrepute to the neighborhood! If I had the power, I would evict Rob Lowe! Costner can stay because he's done some good films: "Open Range" and "the Postman"..but Robby.. why did you hire some nutty woman to care for your kids? Why doesn't mommy do that? Maybe Dr. Laura can help?? Welp… I'm on the case…

UPDATE:

Rob Lowe Exposed!!

Nanny says he whipped it out! Who among us hasn't had the same inclination..I ask you? Usually, you need to find a willing recipient, not the maid or the nanny or the girl at the bus stop...geez..GROW UP!

Shall I rename Padaro..Padaro Perv Lane??

LOS ANGELES — Rob Lowe and his wife are suing their former nanny, claiming she told secrets and lies about their family.

The complaint filed Monday in a Los Angeles Superior Court asks for at least $1,000,000 in damages and charges Laura Boyce with violating a confidentiality agreement, defamation and infliction of emotional distress on the former "West Wing" star; his wife, Sheryl; and their two sons.

Boyce was hired to take care of their sons for most of 2007 before she quit in November, according to the complaint.

The court papers make no specific reference to what information Boyce passed along, or to whom, only that Boyce had "betrayed their trust and engaged in a scheme to hurt the Lowes by spreading malicious lies" both during and after she served as a nanny.

It wasn't clear whether Boyce had hired an attorney. A message left at a phone number listed in her name wasn't immediately returned.

Lowe, 44, is appearing on ABC's "Brothers and Sisters." His screen credits include "Wayne's World," "St. Elmo's Fire" and "The Outsiders."

RobResponds!

"Everyone knows we live in a time where public figures are targets. But I also know of many people in everyday life who are paying the price of a climate where anyone can accuse anybody of anything, anytime, and hope for a big cash pay-off at the end. "Hush money" to just go away. Well I won't go away. No one intimidates my family. My wife and I have many former and long term employees, all of whom know this woman, who can and will refute any claims of anything inappropriate in our home, or anywhere else. We will defend ourselves with vigor and without fear."

Hey, that's what Bill O'reilly did when his co-worker accused him of sexual harrassment with a loofa..he made the media rounds denying everything but saying he was stupid for saying "men things" to the woman!

Why can't you guys be more like Kevin Costner? (except for the wanker episode with the masseuse!)

Kev's oceanside ranch..cool but pricey!

By beating the crap out of the Indians!!

Wendy's Lawyer Disses Chumash! Where's Travis?

Cappello Entertains at Board of Supervisor lot line hearing....tries to look tough!

Brooks questions Indian sovereignty, Chumash want what is theirs; what the white men, like Brooks, took from them!

It was a hearing on a lot line adjustment that the Chumash have appealed because the property has some Chumash artifacts or graves on it. The guy who owns the property in question is Doug Herthel, head of the anti- casino POLO organization that Travis always writes about in his editorials and HATES. However, Wendy’s #1 law dog Cappello was right there supporting Herthel...I wonder if Barry is trying to distance himself from the NewsPress or turn Wendy against Travis?

Mixed Smoke Signals?

Cappello says white folks should be ashamed of the way they've treated Indians in the past, then he slams Chumash appeal of the lot line adjustment, calling them "arrogant". I almost fell off my chair.. it was too funny!

some history

If you fly Air Sonny, then you’re gonna hafta do as I say ma’am..

Well, you may have heard the story of a Transportation Safety officer who demanded that a woman remove her nipple ring or she couldn’t board the airplane. Apparently a nipple ring is a security threat to the USA! However, she was allowed to keep her belly button ring after they yanked off the nipple ring.

"Hamlin, 37, said she was trying to board a flight from Lubbock to Dallas on Feb. 24 when she was scanned by a Transportation Security Administration agent after passing through a larger metal detector without problems.

The female TSA agent used a handheld detector that beeped when it passed in front of Hamlin’s chest, the Dallas-area resident said.

Hamlin said she told the woman she was wearing nipple piercings. The agent then called over her male colleagues, one of whom said she would have to remove the jewelry, Hamlin said.

Hamlin said she could not remove them and asked whether she could instead display her pierced breasts….THE MEN SAID NO!

What a bunch of weenies! You should NEVER turn down an opportunity to see a female breast when freely offered, even if it has a bomb in it..pull the ring and BLAM!!??

Now, of course the lady should sue these nitwits for millions for abusing her civil rights..this is Homeland Stupidity, not Homeland Security…and goes to show how silly we have become about terrorism…can’t even tell a real threat from a falsey!!

So Tired, Tired of Waiting..Tired of Waiting for YOU!!

I’m getting fed up with Father Justice sitting around with his thumb up his ass..the evidence is overwhelming..the NewsPress 8 should be reinstated. What’s the problem, what’s the delay? McCaw and Von Nipper BROKE LABOR laws, why are they still allowed to skate on the frozen pond of journalism, fish in the ocean of liberty, or puke on the statue of probity?

We need more stories written by talented people…not more dog stories, not more restaurant stories, not more Dr. Laura stories about what she had for breakfast..but real stories that affect real people. Get the reporters out on the street and do some real work, if you can’t then..here’s my request…a hostile take over of the News-Press..maybe Sara Miller McCune could lead the charge..she’s a real publisher.

Now to Wendy and Nipper…you two are the biggest frauds to hit SB..Nipper, you may have noticed a drop off in traffic at your Nippers.com website…even your supporters are starting to figure it out..and Wendy, if you lost all your ill-gotten money today, you’d be homeless…you have no talent. If you came up to me on the street, I’d give you a quarter to go buy a copy NEW and IMPROVED News-Press..coming soon!!

She’s Like a Rainbow….

OK then..it is time to explore the other colors of the hair rainbow. I’ll admit, I was stuck in a blonde fairytale that has slowly but surely turned into a nightmare..my dreams and hopes of blonde perfection, once so promising, have been dashed by the hard reality of reality… my painfully drawn conclusion is: blondes suck. However, I WILL NOT give up Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Kristy Swanson) posters! Everything else goes….

Now, do the others suck? The redheads, the brownheads, the blackheads? I’m gonna find out. I am hopeful that the women I find in this scientific study will reveal themselves to be soulful, passionate, independent girls who know what it takes to keep a guy like me wimpering for more…

But first I gots to know… these are the Q’s I’ll ask on the street and to you, my vast reading audience…don’t be shy!

Questions:

1. Do you like rich men or poor men?

2. what does it mean when you look at a guy’s crotch?

3. how young is too young and how old is too old?

4. do your drink alcohol or take drugs?

5. do you like music?

6. do you think the Iraq invasion was a good idea?

7. what is the surest sign you give when you are interested in a man?

8. how many times a day do you pee or play with yourself?

9. do you enjoy torturing men?

10. If Sonny (me) was a girl, what would you say to her?

Thank you for considering these questions and you may answer at your leisure…. and here's a little something for the inamorata!

appears to be just another temper tantrum

Gary Earle, Noleta mouthpiece, anti poor people and in bed with Travis Armstrong, accuses Carpinteria of dumping farmworkers in Noleta.. screams at Board of Supervisors and accuses Wolf of "breaking promises".. is this the bruising the NewsPress threatened? Gee, what's up with the folks in Noleta..is their motto "protect our tract homes"?? If we want a building moratorium, then we need to vote for it..I'd support it. Until then, the county is going to plan and allow development..PERIOD! Nothing has changed.. if you object to a proposed development, you go and voice your opinion at the meetings..you may win, you may lose, that's life, get over it. Where was Travis at the BOS public comment section....hiding behind Wendy McCaw as usual!

If I wrote a letter to elected officials telling them: if you don't do what I want you to do, I will make your remaining time in office extremely bruising and hard, I'd be arrested for harassment or making threats against a person..

The Board of Supervisors should publicly condemn the NewsPress and demand a retraction and apology.

Then, they should look into a legal remedy...

California Penal Code

§76. Threats Against Public Officials, Appointees, Judges, Staff or Their Families; Intent and Ability to Carry Out threat; Punishment

1. Every person who knowingly and willingly threatens the life of, or threatens serious bodily harm to, any elected public official, county public defender, county clerk, exempt appointee of the Governor, judge, or Deputy Commissioner of the Board of Prison Terms, or the staff or immediate family of any elected public official, county public defender, county clerk, exempt appointee of the Governor, judge, or Deputy Commissioner of the Board of Prison Terms, with the specific intent that the statement is to be taken as a threat, and the apparent ability to carry out that threat by any means, is guilty of a public offense, punishable as follows:

1. Upon a first conviction, the offense is punishable by a fine not exceeding five thousand dollars ($5,000), or by imprisonment in the state prison, or in a county jail not exceeding one year, or by both that fine and imprisonment.

The Booze Brothers

Armstrong, Armendariz, & now Gil Armijo with Joe Centeno as chief enabler..

Centeno aid and supervisor hopeful Gil Armijo, recently busted for DUI

Watching the news last night, John Palminteri was interviewing Gil Armijo. Armijo is Supervisor Joe Centeno's right hand man who intends to run for his seat when Centeno retires. The story is Gil accused the new sheriff Bill Brown of fiscal malfeasance scarcely a month into Brown's tenure as sheriff. The reason for the whistle-blowing is because Armijo was busted for DUI! I guess he wants to get back at someone for his own stupidity..the guy's an alcoholic in denial.

Recently, the Santa Barbara County Taxpayers Asso tried to sell a glowing report to the county about the social and economic wonders of the Chumash Casino. I challenge them to commission a report on how much the taxpayers are doling out to clean up after drunk drivers..many of whom are members of the same taxpayers association!